Thursday, February 6, 2014

sister sister

Authors note:
1. I would like the reader of this story to get a sense of hope and patience.The point i'm trying to get across is that no relationship is perfect, some are even far from perfect but things change and there are brighter days ahead.
2.I think my connection with the main character made the story easier to write, most of the ideas just flowed out of me .
3. thinking of powerful lines and sentences that weren't dull was hard.
4.Maybe to add a little more detail.



Two swings and two girls. Both happy and giggling away as they got higher and higher. It was a great day to be a child. The older girl showed the younger girl how to pump her legs how to stop the swing and how to get away with standing on the swings before their mother looked their way again. The younger one did whatever her older sister told her to do, and copied her every move (no matter how much her sister whined at her to quit it) , because in her eyes her big sister was the coolest person in the universe,and she couldn't imagine anyone better.

Emily smirked to herself as she reminisced on those simpler times. It seemed pointless to continue telling herself to get out of bed, as always she wasn't listening to the back of her head. She was beginning to think about what was going through her parents head when they waited four years to have another kid. Maybe if her and her big sister were closer in age they would get along a little smoother. However, no matter how much she wished for it , she would never know what it is like to share a school with her sister, to experience dances with her, and to personally know some of the people in her grade. Once again Emily tossed and turned in her bed and her head. Did she really want that? Having her sister go to high school with her and be closer in age would have its perks and make life much sweeter but….. what was she thinking?! That would be so ideal,she would love that, absolutely! But unfortunately nothing would change their offbeat personalities, and their understanding for each other. When it came down to her sister Em couldn't deny she loved her, at least not herself. But sometimes she didn't even feel like she knew her. It wasn't her fault though. If her sister told her to drop what she was doing so they could hang out she would be thrilled. And pretty surprised since she would think her sister would chose a day to hang out with her more significant friends than her weird little sister.

Emily longed for her sister Lauren and her to be closer,but over the years she reluctantly realized they weren't just different, they were a far cry from the same people. She felt like they were on such different planets it amazed her there were able to construct an actual conversation together. Now, Lauren being the wild-child parties whenever she could.Em loved the fact that Lauren's a free spirit but really wished she would be a lot more responsible with her life and didn't make such stupid decisions when she was out with her friends. But of course Lauren rarely listened to ‘lil sis’, and that statement went vice versa. Something that irked Emily more than ever though was the things Lauren and many other ignorant rude people says. The sisters both have separate values and even though Lauren keeps most of hers unapparent Emily voiced hers now and again. Certain inappropriate slurs angered Em when they came out of the mouths of anyone, joking or not Emily was not amused. Lauren on the other hand didn't see things that way. Emily could have sat Lauren down and make her well aware of her issues with that but she already knew how that conversation would go down. Lauren would tell Emily something like ‘she is in no position to tell her what she can and can't say’, and yet again more anger and resentment would rise among the college goer and the young teen. In this relationship communication was definitely not a strength.

Lauren was normally sassy, Emily was normally quite shy, Lauren was very smart, Emily was a mediocre student. Lauren was outgoing and funny, Emily was irritating. Lauren was forever 21, Em was forever in sweatpants. Lauren was the epitome of the girl that everyone wanted to sit next too, plus had an abundance of friends and followers. Em took what she could get. Lying in her bed Em knew she was thinking to highly of her sister again. Sure her sister was a success at most and to most, but her amazing qualities did not extinguish her bad. Emily began to wonder was it her awareness of her sisters poor qualities that made her unhappy or was it peoples lack of awareness. This made her head spin. For the first time Em wasn't thinking of only bad things about her sister,(because she wasn't mad at her) and she wasn't thinking of only good things either (because there wasn't anything she was particularly happy about with her). She was just, thinking...letting it all in, afraid of how she was going to let it all out.
She knew there was probably a mental list of thing Lauren had about her imperfections too such as her immaturity, her mindset,and emotional turmoils. But she was also certain that Lauren wanted some of the things she had inside of her that wouldn't come easy. There was something else that was running through Emily's mind though. On the surface the two girls were separate beings, sure, Lauren could have told you that but the foundation of who they are were based upon the same traits; their stubbornness, individuality, and…...at the moment that was all Emily could think of. Nevertheless, Em was the annoying little sister, always have been and Lauren was the harsh big sis. All in all it was the unfortunate truth that they both have solid personalities and exercised it in their own ways. Em has always know this but lately she was concerned for both of their fiats. She was worried that if they kept up with all of the fighting and acrimony there would be nothing left but that. Her greatest fear was not having a good relationship with her sister, that one day the caring would stop. Emily tried to wipe these thoughts away, she wasn't going to lose hope just yet. She tried to convince herself that even though one of them was already an adult they both have a lot of growing up to do
.

In a perfect world Emily  and Lauren would fight but laugh about it shortly after, secrets will all be told;everything on the table, grudges wouldn't be held overnight,and when Emily texts Lauren because she misses her she wouldn't have to stop texting her,because shes waiting for her to miss her back.


Em hoped that things would get better, she didn't want her sister to become one of the people she was ashamed to say she ever supported. Her last thought before falling asleep.

Two girls and two swings. They told knock-knock jokes for an endless amount of time and competed to see who could go the highest. Although their smiles were similar you could tell they had different mothers by the way they dressed. Those two mothers happened to be behind them setting up the backyard picnic. The springtime breeze hit everyone gently from every direction. The older mom kept on hollering at the kids not to go to high while the younger (and much hotter)  mother assured her they weren't too high and told her to calm down. This immediately sparked an argument. A while later the younger mom told the older mom to bring out the ketchup and the older mom scowled at her telling her it's obvious she was busy setting up the table and then told her to get it herself. The two ladies flipped flopped from heated to annoyed to ‘whatever’ about six times before settling down. Meanwhile the two little girls tried to hide their giggles and taunts from their mothers. Although younger, they always suspected their mother fights before they did. John Meyer came up on the radio and shrieks of excitement could be heard from all corners of the yard. The older mom was insulted when the younger mom tried to turn up the radio while she was speaking and another argument spewed. It fizzled out when the two moms caught the sight of the two little girls dancing with each other though. Something about those adorable cousins made the warmest smile spread across the moms faces. “Lauren sit down,please.” the young mom snapped. the whole family fathers and grandparents included were seated. the older mom was to tired to give attitude to her sister but not tired enough to roll her eyes. A few family members said their amens before they all dug in. With mostly women carrying the conversation, funny stories and gossip about coworkers and friends began and made the lunch quite amusing. The sun lit up the backyard. There was a special iridescent feel of the whole picture. It made you see that the light at the end of the tunnel was dim but that much closer. It wasn't perfect, it was real.  

Emily opened both eyes at the same time. She gradually pulled her hair back in a ponytail and stared at the bright blue ceiling until she was fully awake. She sat up and took her phone out of her pocket and saw no new messages. She looked at it for three seconds .Then went downstairs to do her homework.






Thursday, November 21, 2013

valuable....I think not.

From trying to keep up with new trends by buying the latest fashion (whether you like what you're buying or who you're buying them for or not), to purchasing expensive technology that in the back of your head you know you don't absolutely need. To hearing celebrities blow a ridiculously large amount of money on shoes , and becoming so envious that you wished you had enough or any talent so you’d never have to worry about the number on a price tag again. These are the very things that we all have to admit consume our mind from time to time.  When you live in a type of society driven by money hungry people that varies from teenage girls, CEO's, to the Kardashians its easy and sadly common to lose sight of what's important in life. Of what has true value.
 I  LOVE having a good laugh. I couldn't imagine what type of heartless human being doesn't. Laughing is so great!!!  For instance It brings you joy and happiness. I love having a chuckle at something that i watch on TV shows such as family guy, friends, and the soup. And cracking up at jokes that my sister,peers,teachers,teammates,and coaches come up with. Also while thinking of impossible yet funny scenarios in my head I try to sustain from giggling so the people around me won't think i'm mentally unstable. As someone once said and as i agree with, “a day without laughter is a day wasted.”


  If anyone knows how to make people laugh out loud is the one and only Ellen DeGeneres. Some people are funny, some people are beautiful, and some people are down to earth. The wonderful Ellen is lucky enough to be all three. There's no better gift than the gift of joy and that's exactly what Ellen delivers to people every day. She is a true inspiration and to be able to meet her would without a doubt change my life. I literally would rather meet her than be offered a million dollars. Some or most may think that sounds crazy but there are some experiences that money cant buy. The immeasurable depth of her passion and the love in her breathtaking smile is greater than any thing that can be wrapped in the largest box.


  The Beatles say it better than anyone: “You can't buy me love”. In movies,books, and from adults we hear about the inexplicable feeling that is love, so we rightfully assume its one of the best things ever. I remember a line from a movie that said love is the closest thing we have to magic. I agree with this because even the most remarkable possessions you can have in the world can be described and maybe even priced. But there are some things that are special enough in the world that are too mystifying and fantastic to be explained.


  Ever since i tasted my first dessert i don't think i ever looked back. I admit that i’m such a sweet tooth and my friends and family and anyone whose ever seen me at a restaurant can vouch for me. To me biting into a buttery sugar cookie, or a delectable slice of cake from tailgate, or trying a new sugary confection can surely make my day. Although brownies,candy,cookies,cake, and so on are undeniably an important part of my life i can say there are a handful of things that i put above those treats. If you asked me whether i could spend a whole day with my sister (while she is in a good mood of course) with the cost of giving up brownies and candy for a year then i would chose Sophia because she gives me more pleasure than any sweets which is love and laughter. However if you asked me to choose between spending a whole day with Sophia and giving up all sugary stuff for a year i  would have to weigh my options.


  I live in my sweatshirts. My Mount Holyoke sweatshirt, my Syracuse sweatshirt, my white, gray, and purple zip up ones, you name it; they all come in handy! Their comfy their warm, they may not be fashionable or cute but they make me happy. I don't even need to wear a jacket in winter, I feel warm enough just in my sweatshirts. I value them so much i could care less when my mom takes and misplaces my socks, shirts, pants, or any other clothing items, but when she steals my sweatshirts she and I both know that she crossed the line. So you can imagine my anger when she intentionally gave away my favorite white fuzzy one when I was in the 7th grade, which i'm still trying to get past. I dress up nice from here to there to school but I feel my best when i'm in the comfort of my baggy clothes as do most people I'm sure. I suppose its because its easy to put on and take off and I can't say the same about my jeans. And because i can get around easily in them plus they keep me warm. Also if I get them dirty there's no need to fret, they're not expensive or fancy. If I had to pick from wearing a cool looking jacket to one of my mediocre sweatshirts then I would chose to stick with the sweats because although there's nothing wrong with dressing up nice and fashionable its just not me. Plus if a piece of clothing cost an unreasonable amount of money even if i liked it and it looked laid back I would ask myself is it really worth it? If its my well earned money and if i really liked it then i would probably go for the buy but if it was my parents money then i would ask them to save it because there could be better things they could put that money to use. For example you never know when an Ellen DeGeneres tickets are for sale! And she is way more satisfying than a compliment on my clothes.


   I am really not crazy about cars like some people. I am perfectly content with the two cars my family has, they are relaxing, quiet clean, and not too big but spacious enough, which all adds up to a pleasant care ride. but to he honest as long as it doesn't look horrible and it runs and has a radio then i’ll ride pretty much anything. Nevertheless I am aware of the vital role cars play in my day to day life. Without such machines then I wouldn't know how to get buy. Id be completely lost. If I had to walk everywhere I went(school,friends houses, restaurants, and vacation)  then that would get on my nerves in about two days. I'm grateful my family can afford a car, so when I read about bonehead celebrities buying cars that cost about four times as much as an average house in my neighborhood I can't help but to roll my eyes to the back of my head. I wouldn't even know where to start when talking about such unnecessary spending's. I think ‘unnecessary’ is the key word when it comes to people spending money like this. People with big money big desires or both may not take the time to stop and ask are they really buying this for themselves or for some unwritten rule in society that says they have to outdo or impress people with what you have.


  I feel that just like judging another person does not define who they are but it defines who you are, material things does not determine how cool you are its how rich in soul you are that truly determines how much of an awesome person you are. In other words the foundation of who you are should be the primary thing you want people to notice about you, not what type of house you live in, where you get your clothes, or what type of phone you have. Value is a delicate subject, it can be the core of many disagreements. I believe as long as there are senseless people in the world there are always senseless reasons to buy certain futile things. The thing with these type of people is that they unknowingly spread their stupidity like a virus to the rest of us and we need to catch it in time before it progresses and turns us into sick ill-minded individuals.


  I would say I value my items, but I value the non material stuff more than the material ones, as should many. Because things that we can buy can get lost,stolen, outgrown, or we may lose taste in it. But the moments of love, laughter,excitement, happiness and awe are ours to keep in our hearts forever.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

speak final assessment


1. My inner voice and outer voice are in disagreement everyday basically. Most of the time i want to speak up when people say something that is mean,untrue, and immature of them to say. Sometimes i hear people around me say stupid stuff about other people or situations and i just want to say stuff like “that's not nice”or “is that really necessary”. Although my inner voice has no filter and is quite vocal i sustain from letting my peers know how i really feel almost always. I do this for a few reasons which are that i don't want to make people mad or make any enemies, and i don't want people to somehow think i'm mean for being so straightforward and disagreeing with someone. And lastly because i'm a shy person by nature and it takes more courage for me to speak up. Sometimes i get really mad at my outer voice for not saying what i feel and i try to tell myself to say something next time. I feel so small whenever i let my outer voice rule me.In the inside i often wish i could be one of those people who is brave enough to express themselves and be open. But then i remember that sometimes peoples mouths can get them in trouble so it can be better off not being so careless after all. All in all my inner voice and outer voice are constantly disagreeing its like one side of my brain is one voice and the other side is another.

2. Sometimes my gut tells me to stick up for myself or for what i believe in, and that's usually when i'm facing people who i feel comfortable with like my friends or family. when i'm with people who i'm close to i feel like i'm in a safer zone to say what i feel, so I do, at this moment my outer voice and inner voice are agreeing with each other. It usually feels really good and satisfying when i bluntly say my opinion in front of my friends and family because i feel less afraid about how they're going to react, and that's mainly because I don't really care. Even though being direct with people often ends in bickering and disagreement between me and them i usually am pleased with how outspoken i chose to be. An example of how i listened to my inner voice and acted upon it is when me and my parents were watching the Jodi Arias case last year. my mom was talking about how she hoped they would kill Jodi because she deserved to die and i thought completely otherwise. I told her that no matter what somebody has done in their life and no matter how awful they are nobody deserves to die. It is inhumane and disgusting to want another human being dead. in the case of Jodi arias death is how the whole situation started and killing more people isn't going to help bring back anyone or make peace. I said this to my mom because i strongly believe that wanting someone to die makes you just as low as killing someone. I knew that my mom would disagree with me on that (and she did) but i didn't care because all i wanted was to get my opinion across and feel like i have a voice in my house. I think i should be vocal more often, but not only in my house or with my friends but everywhere.

3. I think the constant suppression of Melinda's inner voice makes her seem unapproachable and depressed to people. It also makes her more miserable because when she doesn't speak she eventually blocks out people which results her from being connected with people, which leaves her with no people to share her feelings and problems with. It basically makes her life more stressful when she keeps things bottled up inside because without an outlet she won't be able move on with her life. An example of Melinda's inner and outer voice not being in sync is when she is in the bathroom with Rachelle and is trying to find the right words to say to her. this shows how Melinda can be thinking one thing and saying something completely irrelevant to what she really feels.

me: “hows it going.”

I don't want to be cool. i want to grab her by the neck and shake her and scream at her to stop treating me like dirt.  she didn't even bother to find out the truth - what kind of friend is that?
(page 20 and 21)


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Get an inside look on my outside reading book

Get an inside look on my outside reading book!!
   My book is about stuff white people like hence the title “the definite guide of stuff white people like, the unique taste of millions”. I got this book from my sister, she read it when she was my age or younger. The book provides a description of why they like certain things, and it doesn't have a conflict because it doesn't even have a story line or characters. (Although some might find the book somewhat conflicting or controversial). The theme of the book is smart-witty-funny. One sentence from the book says, “Whenever they are presented with a situation that seems unreasonable their first instinct is to threaten to move to Canada”. I think this is a perfect example of the authors half joking/half serious writing style because his statement doesn't apply to everyone but it does have some truth behind it because if you read the rest of the page he explains why this is so. This means he’s not being pretentious or racist, but he is giving reasonable explanations to back up his theories. I would give this book a solid four paws, which means I think you should pounce on it!
   The author is Christen Lander. He is a PhD dropout who was the 2006 public speaking instructor of the year at Indiana University. And he lives in my favorite place in the world, Los Angles. Here’s one of my fav part of the book which is on the back cover-“you know who they are: they’re white people. And they’re here and you’re going to have to deal. Fortunately, here’s a book that investigates, explains, and offers advice for finding social success with the Caucasian persuasion. So kick back in your IKEA couch and lose yourself in the ultimate guide to the unbearable whiteness of being.” And that’s my essay, I hope you enjoyed it.
                                                                                The end


Thursday, October 10, 2013

Melinda in words

1.       Melinda is “misunderstood” because nobody tries to get to know her and nobody knows her deep dark secrets and feelings, including and especially her own family. It is also partly her own fault that she is so misunderstood because she never lets people in and is very distant.
2.       Melinda is also “distressed”. I came to this conclusion because she seems unconnected to everyone else, she has trust issues and seems afraid of people. The main reason why I think she is distressed is because of what happened to her at the party, I don’t think anyone would be mentally alright after having to deal with something like that, especially alone.
3.       Melinda is very “witty”. She has an authentic, hilarious, bittersweet sense of humor that I find refreshingly freeing and original. She far from dumb- funny like most teen girls her age, her way of joking and talking is completely her own.
4.       Another thing Melinda is a “warrior”. Considering all that she went through from her being raped, to losing  every friend she ever had, to being shunned and basically bullied by almost her whole school, to her parents not understanding a thing about her she’s good at going through her daily life looking as if nothing happened to her. She doesn't have any breakdowns and she’s been able to hold herself together all on her own for many months now and that takes a lot of bravery for a 14 year old girl.
5.       Lastly I think Melinda is “careless”. She’s not completely careless because she does have feelings like anyone else I’m sure but she doesn't give much thought to things that she probably did care about before the whole party incident. Melinda doesn't care that much about her grades and paying attention in school, she also doesn't care about what people think about her, not her parents, pears, or teachers. Looking presentable isn't something she worries about either. Lately I think the only thing Melinda really cares about is naps, which isn't bad sometimes but a friend or two would probably make her a lot more content.
  I think above everything Melinda is a “warrior”, because it’s her strength and the way she carries herself that sticks out to me the most when I read the book. If I saw Melinda walk the halls of my school or if she was in my class I would never suspect that she was raped because she shields her feelings so well from people. I would probably just think she was antisocial, mean, or super shy.

  There is a line in the book that stood out to me, it read, ‘the girl behind me jams her knees into my back. they are as sharp as her fingernail. I inch forward in my seat and stare intently at the team.’ I find it very surprising that a kid would have the bravery to ignore someone who did something like hurt them. i can only imagine the anger and neglectance she was feeling at the moment. It definitely showed that Melinda was the bigger person in the situation by trying not to escalate things. There is a short paragraph in the book that also displays Melinda's tough exterior. ‘There is a sprinkling of losers like me scattered among the happy teenagers,prunes in the oatmeal of school. the others have the social power to sit with other losers. I'm the only one sitting alone, under the glowing neon sign which reads, “Complete and total loser, not quite sane. stay away. do not feed”. although this entry  doesn't  just highlight Melinda's warrior-like personality, but her witty personality as well i think her strength sticks out the most in this one. Because It takes a courageous person to make fun of themselves for being a “loser”. I know that most girls older and younger than her would be freaking out if they found themselves sitting at a lunch table all alone. But not Melinda, she does not only accept that she is not wanted but she makes light of the fact which would probably be hard for anyone to do. Most people who know Melinda in the book either don't pay attention to her or look down upon her, but if people in the book took the time to get to know her, and if she let people do so, they would realize that she is actually relentlessly inspiring,uplifting, and a rare youth.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

separate worlds,similar girls.


Katniss, The Hunger Games
Isabelle, Perfect


  Katniss was walking home from a terrible day of school thinking about how awful her life is going to be from this day on. Katniss was always different from most kids, which is why she failed to have many friends.She never cared about her social status or that she could count the number of friends she had on one finger.That was because her best friend Gail was the coolest friend she could hope for. She had known Gail for as long as she could remember and he was the most amazing best friend in the world. He was the person who she could always trust,always lean on, and always have around up until today. When she approached Gail in the hallway she knew something was wrong,and unfortunately she was right. As soon as Gail broke the news that his family was being forced to relocate to another district Katniss’s heart fell,and then shattered,and she convinced herself that it would never be fixed again.

  Katniss was about fifteen minutes away from home when she heard a faint “hello”,from behind her. She took her time turning around, and saw an unfamiliar looking girl walking her way.”Hey..”Katniss mumbled. “Do you need something,or…?” “Oh,no”,the girl responded smiling shyly.” My name is Isabelle,you don't know me but i just started going to your school about a week ago...I noticed you looked kinda down today,and..well...I just thought you could use someone to walk home with”.Katniss tried to look happy to meet Isabelle but she was definitely in no mood to talk to anyone,all she felt like saying to anyone who tried to speak to her was to ‘get lost!’ But instead she managed to say, “nice to meet you, I'm katniss”.Isabelle swung her foot and looked at the ground nervously.”Interesting name”,she said with a acid smile. After a few moments of silence Isabelle began playing with her hair anxiously and biting her lips.Not being able to handle the awkward tension anymore Katniss blurted out, “you alright? You look like you're going to puke. “Oh sorry”,Isabelle replied with an embarrassed smile,”Its just that…”Katniss nodded as if to say, ‘come on. You can trust me’. Isabelle sighed and half rolled her eyes. “ I'm not good with interacting with people.”She admitted,as if Katniss hadn't already noticed.”I guess i'm one of those people who have a lot of walls,and doesn't let a lot of people in”. Katniss nodded understandingly.”But wait.”she said. “Then why did you come up to me?”.Isabelle took no time responding.“Because you seemed like one of those people too”.Katniss raised her eyebrows taken quite aback,while Isabelle simply shrugged.”Well…”katniss said hesitantly, “i have to say thats...one of the best assumptions ever made about me”. Isabelle finally began to relax toward Katniss.”So anything else i should know about you?”,Katniss asked with true curiosity. “Me and my mom and sister came from district 5”-”hold on there”,Katniss interrupted without a care.  “So its just your mom and your sister  that you live with?”  Isabelle had a certain look on her face which Katniss found familiar. It was the same look she puts on when the topic of her late father came up in front of people. The two girls exchanged glances. All of a sudden Katniss and Isabelle formed this unspoken connection with each other. “How young were you when you lost yours?”,Katniss asked softly. “Too young”,Isabelle responded looking deeply into Katniss’s eyes. “Same here.My sister and I grew closer after it happened though,so atleast something came out of out of our lose. I’d do anything to protect her,as if she was my baby”.Isabelle raised her eyebrows because she was even more surprised than she was 10 seconds ago. What Katniss didn't know was that her and her sister became closer on account of the very same reason. “Okay. Get out!”,Isabelle exclaimed. “What are you, my fraternal twin?”,The two girls shared their first of many laughs together.What they were yet to find out about each other was that they both had mothers who annoyed them to death too.

  The excited girls were both amazed by what they were hearing from each other. Isabelle never would have imaged making a new friend in district 12 let alone one who she had so much in common with. And Katniss was just surprised she found someone who could make her laugh who wasn't Gail. The two continued talking up a storm while walking home together. Before they knew it they both arrived home,and as if they hadn't had enough surprises that day, one more was waiting for them when they arrived home. Isabelle and Katniss were brand new next door neighbors.



                                                        THE END